By Dave Bundy

A dozen years ago, Hillary Clinton wrote a book based on what is said to be an African proverb — “It takes a village to raise a child.” I don’t want to get into the political ramifications of this. I just want to keep this nice and superficial.

I admit I don’t parent in a vacuum. In raising my four kids, my wife and I need the teachers, who have the patience to share with my kids the mysteries of long division and predicate nominatives. I need the doctors, who write presciptions for Amoxicillin every time my kids get an ear infection. I need plumbers, who can fish out of the toilet whatever my kids shouldn’t have tried to flush. I need the Poison Control Center, police officers and firefighters just in case.

But sometimes I wish the village would just butt out. Let me tell you about one of those times.

It was a beautiful Saturday last fall, one of those days you try to squeeze every last bit of fun out of because you never know when winter will start. I tossed all the kids into our Suburban around mid-afternoon and headed for one of our favorite playgrounds.

With our first child, I shadowed his every move, tested the safety of all playground equipment and kept all other kids a safe distance away so no one would hurt my precious baby. Three kids later, I just turn ‘em loose and relax. 

And relax I did that beautiful day. 

Until I noticed one nearby mom trying to lecture her poor kids. I love watching parents in action (sometimes for educational purposes, sometimes just entertainment) so I was riveted as I observed her get madder when she realized the kids weren’t listening. I watched the veins pop out on her neck as she started yelling at the kids. I saw her jump up and storm the jungle gym where she’d been directing her tirade.

Then I realized she was yelling at my kids. The four were standing atop a slide, practicing their ninja kicks and yells in a circle, looking, at least to this “helpful” mom, like they were going to injure each other. 

My animal instincts took over. I raced over and snarled that they already had a parent. 

Maybe my kids were acting like little hoodlums. But they’re my little hoodlums. And I know when to start yelling.

The mom offered one of those hollow apologies that sounds a lot more like “I’m so sorry your children have to endure you as their dad,” than “I’m sorry I stuck my nose where it didn’t belong and yelled at your kids.”

Then the mom said something odd. “Are they like that at home?”

How do you answer a question like that? 

“No. At home we fight with kitchen knives, but we forgot to bring them.”

“Lady, just back off or I’ll sic ‘em on you.”

“Nope. We’re just showing off for you.”

But witty comebacks eluded me. All I could sputter out was, “I don’t think you really care, do you?”

My kids could tell I was mad. I was. But I couldn’t figure out at whom. The kids for practicing martial arts on a jungle gym? Me for letting them? Or this lady who went from zero to snippy in 4.3 seconds?

Seemingly wordlessly, my kids and I decided we were mad at the woman, and after a few more minutes of ninja practice (just to show we Bundys won’t be intimidated), I loaded them into the car to get slushes on the way home.

This incident keeps popping into my head. Laissez-faire is my playground strategy for dealing with other people’s kids. I’ll stop a crime in progress, especially if it’s a felony. But I won’t yell doing it. My wife will gently remind a cursing kid that little ears are present. 

We all parent differently, though, and maybe this woman who charged my herd of kids was doing the best she could. Maybe she wasn’t trying to make me feel like the laziest dad who ever lived. Maybe she really cared about them. And maybe if I weren’t around and another kid tried to kick one of my little ninjas, I’d be glad this mom was there.    

So I guess I’m OK with this village thing after all, but if you run into the Bundys at a playground you better give us wide berth anyway.

(Dave Bundy is editorial director of the Suburban Journals of Greater St. Louis. Reach him at  dbundy@yourjournal.com.)

This entry was posted on Thursday, October 23rd, 2008 at 1:09 pm and is filed under Columnist Dave Bundy. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.